I'm the one who is gone || OPEN

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 17, 2014 17:42:45 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2014 17:42:45 GMT -8

Blair took a seat, but Severus was too agitated. He paced like an animal with cage psychosis, back and forth and back and forth. He found it uncomfortable talking about all of this, not because it wasn't cathartic; only because it was so unusual. It was unfamiliar territory for him to express those things that he had tried all his life not to feel. His twitchy, staccato mentality carried into his movements. "Well, I – you're not the only one who knows. We just never talked about it, really," he muttered before he could stop himself. Lily, of course, had been aware of his parents' problems. But he had changed the subject or refused to talk about it whenever it came up. The last thing he had wanted was for her to think of him the way that surely Blair now did – scared, weak, victimized. He had wanted to be strong for Lily, to be someone that she could always depend on. He was grateful that it had not been his weakness which had taken her from him. Sev could not have born that. No, it was somehow easier to bear that his darkness, the very source of his strength, was what had scared her away. A pained frown stole over his face.

"I haven't let him get near my in years," Severus continued absently. He had gotten smarter about when to be around his house. He never went home on the holidays, and during summer he tried to spend as much time away from the house as possible. He had passed most of his time with Lily, outside or even at her house – until last summer. This last break had been one of the lowest points in his life. He had not so much as caught a glimpse of her in Cokeworth. She had avoided their usual spots, and her wretched Muggle sister had turned him away at their door. With nowhere else to go, Sev had ended up trapped within his bedroom, wishing that he could have stayed on at Hogwarts. The walls of his cramped, dingy room had pressed in upon him like a prison cell. He had been forced to hear the sounds of his parents fighting, of his mother pleading and crying like a child. His fists clenched at the memory. "I couldn't fight back before... But now I'm of age. Let them try to stop me from giving that filthy Muggle what's coming to him."

He stopped pacing and turned to face Blair. His eyes were burning with hate. That smoldering stare, and his colorless, feverish skin, made him look a little deranged. Snape drew out his wand, to hold it lovingly in his hands. He stared intently at the solution to all his problems. Tenderly, he caressed the wood, as a terrible, mad smile twisted his lips. He spoke quietly but with force. "I know exactly what to do. I have the perfect curse... I invented it myself. It slices the skin, leaves great gashes in the flesh. I can't think of anything better than that, using my own power against him. He fears magic. He will fear me."

Severus suddenly came to his senses and remember where he was. He quickly lowered his wand and looked piercingly at Blair. "You won't say anything, will you? I shouldn't really be telling you about all this – my... inventions." He was less concerned about making her an accomplice to violence against his father than about his secret getting out. He had delved into the Dark Arts, and that was far more dangerous than 'self defense' against an abusive father.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 18, 2014 10:36:18 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 18, 2014 10:36:18 GMT -8

Maybe nobody loved you when you were young
Maybe, boy, when you cry, nobody ever comes
Will you try it once?
Give up the machine gun

Blair idly watched Severus prowl. She always associated pacing with a mind that was going too quick for one to contain physically and it certainly seemed that way in this case. She could practically feel the tension coming off of him but she couldn’t quite figure out if it was because she was making him that way or if it was their choice of conversation – perhaps it was a bit of both. Blair never had many personal problems after her mum left and she was much too open and honest to keep it all bottled up if she did. Hell, she’d probably tell just about anyone. She wasn’t a big believer in keeping it all bottled up. Well, until it came to her unorthodox beliefs but even still she would never deny them if someone were to ask (as long as she weren’t in danger). Blair used to be fairly honest about them but it was rather difficult in a very liberal school, and one that was full of Mudbloods and half-bloods that felt a tie to their Muggle parent.

Blair’s eyebrows furrowed in a confused way. “How could someone else know and not talk to you about it?” she asked out loud before she shook her head. “Don’t answer that. Suppose it’s personal.” She was learning at a very quick pace that with Severus almost everything was personal. She didn’t suppose that this other person who knew could have been a very good friend, could they? If they were, how could they allow Severus to repress all of these obvious emotions? Probably someone who was too self-absorbed to see the pain within another. Friendship might have been a very, very new thing to Blair but even she couldn’t willingly do that. Or maybe this person of Severus’ was just one of those oblivious types and thought that by not talking about it they were helping. She tried to distract her mind. These were petty issues that didn’t matter anymore. It didn’t help to berate someone in Severus’ life who wasn’t the topic at hand. She realized that doing so was walking dangerously close to gossip territory.

“That doesn’t excuse his past actions,” she stated flatly. Blair couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t deeply disturbed by Severus’ parents and she hoped that Severus didn’t just forgive and forget. The hatred she felt for Muggles was too strong for her to just let it lie. A smirk appeared at the one corner of her mouth at the next words that he spoke. She realized in that moment that she was actually hoping for the destruction of Mr. Snape. It was something she hadn’t wished upon an individual before. She cocked her head only slightly as he stopped pacing and looked at her. She didn’t believe that he was going to do something to her when he took his wand out. Instead, Blair looked at Severus like a student watching a professor. Her mouth opened in awe. “You – you make your own spells? Your own curse?” her admiration was obvious, but it wasn’t like she was trying to hide it. “That’s brilliant, Sev.” She didn’t even know it was possible, which made her simultaneously feel idiotic and impressed at the same time. She never really gave much thought to how spells and curses had been invented in the first place. She supposed that she had always assumed that they had been around but now realized that it was a silly and childish notion. But the ingenuity required coming up with an incantation that worked and worked the way you wanted… that sort of intelligence had to be extremely rare. “That seems extremely fitting,” she said. After all the times that his father had laid hands upon him and his mother… a few lashings seemed about right. “Give him a taste of his own medicine, as it were.” She knew that she should try to persuade him otherwise but she couldn’t bring herself to.

Blair shook her head quickly. “No, why would I?” the idea seemed completely preposterous to her. “You’re a bloody genius, mate.” She laughed. “Merlin, I’ve never met anyone like you before. If I were to say something, there’s bound to be people out there – within this very castle even – who would try to stop you. You deserve to give your father some payback.” She could imagine Severus cursing his father and the cuts that would appear on the man’s body. Just the right amount of pain. She sat up a little straighter in her chair and grabbed a discarded textbook nearby. “Could you perhaps …” she paused as she didn’t want to make Severus more apprehensive than he already was. Blair on the other hand was excited, but she didn’t want to scare him away. “Could you show me the spell? I’ve just never seen a homemade spell before.” She flung the textbook onto a nearby desk. She felt jittery like a child who had eaten too much sugar. Brilliance had that effect on the young woman.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 18, 2014 16:42:15 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 16:42:15 GMT -8

He shot Blair a warning look when she started to question too near to Lily. He was not going to talk about that with her, not when he was in such an unstable mood and probably not ever. Thankfully, she seemed to think better of it all on her own. Sev was relieved that she let it drop, without having to insist on that. As she hypothesized, it was a personal thing. A broken heart was closer, more excruciating than even a broken home. It was no business of Blair's, and she was coming dangerously close to impugning that which he held most sacred. No matter what torture Lily put him through, regardless of how much pain she caused him, she could do no wrong in his eyes. Lily may have shattered him completely, but he would not hear a word uttered against her. If she rejected him, it was his failing, not hers.

When he mentioned the curse he had invented, Blair's whole attitude changed. Snape regarded her curiously. Lucius was the only other one who knew he had created anything himself, but to Lucius it was a tool that added to Severus' value. Blair looked at him like a god. What should have humbled him only fanned the flames of his ego. Her glowing expression and fervent tone of her voice stroked his wounded pride. It had him feeling suddenly much more like his usual self. Clearly she did not think less of him for his momentary lapse of willpower, when he had come close to breaking down. If she had been disappointed by his display of weakness, it seemed undone by the revelation of his genius. A small smile broke out on his face, and even more extraordinarily, the smile managed to touch his dark eyes. "Thanks," and he really meant it. His ability was not something Severus ever doubted, but it was good to hear it recognized aloud by another, by a friend whose opinion he not only trusted but valued.

He was excited that she took so much interest, actually. He had never had someone to show off to before, no... He had never had someone to share his brilliance with. It was not just about bragging. A witch of Blair's intelligence could prove to be a treasured sounding board. She was no cheering squad; she was his peer in the truest sense, and she always spoke true. Furthermore, in mental capacity, she alone could keep up with him. It did not matter if she lacked the resourcefulness to create her own spells; she could see things that he might miss, ways to improve his work. Sev had an endless list of things he was curious to try, and Blair could be an invaluable asset as he pursued them.

He walked to the door, opened it and peered into the hall, to check that they were alone. When he shut the door behind him, he locked it to buy them a little more privacy. Severus pointed his wand at the textbook Blair had flung onto the desk. With some concentration on his part, the book morphed itself into a fat, chortling guinea pig with a shaggy blue coat the same color as the book's cover. He did not take the time to correct the sloppy transfiguration. In a second, it would not matter. "It's better if we have a... live subject," he explained.

"Sectumsempra!" Sev's wand slashed viciously through the air. With a loud squeal of pain, a great gash tore through the guinea pig's side. Blood poured from of the wound, staining the desk and dripping onto the floor as the pitiful creature's life drained away. When the last drop was gone, the animal reverted to its original form. A torn textbook now lay soaking in blood upon the desk. Severus looked over at Blair, his cheeks flush and eyes glowing with satisfaction. "I have a counter-curse, too... But I'd need a real, living thing to demonstrate that. Actually, I've been making spells for years. You know Levicorpus, that everyone's been using since last year? That's one of mine..." He smiled a deviant smile at her. He was extremely proud of his handiwork, even if the latter jinx had gotten away from him.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 18, 2014 17:12:53 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 18, 2014 17:12:53 GMT -8

Blair almost put up her hands in defense at the glare Severus gave her but managed to resist. What a temperamental boy, she thought to herself. He was undoubtedly smart and powerful, but she could clearly see that he picked up his mother’s emotional vulnerabilities. She worried that it might get in the way of whatever he had planned out for himself in life. It wasn’t like Blair didn’t believe in emotions it was just that Severus was so… sensitive. It was something that she hadn’t picked up in their friendship before. She supposed that in the very least he was able to separate his feelings from beliefs. At least he had that even if he did feel the need to clench up every time she asked him anything personal. She was grateful when his emotions quickly turned and for the first time that evening she could see his eyes light up just the slightest amount, but that slight amount seemed like a tremendous amount.

She wondered how the spell worked that Severus felt the need to lock the door. She almost giggled at the guinea pig. She wasn’t always an animal lover, but the fact that the animal was blue in colour she found amusing. Then she remembered what the spell was for. Her eyes widened and she raised her hand to tell him not to do it but it was too late. Her hand fell slowly and it took her a moment to remember that the animal wasn’t real – not really. It was a creation of a spell. Spells couldn’t create life. It was just a natural instinct for her to reach out. When she relaxed herself she simply watched the blood drip off the desk as the animal turned back into a shredded book. After a minute her eyes flicked up to Severus’.

“Does it always kill?” she asked quietly. “I mean, you’re not planning on actually… murdering your father, are you?” Blair didn’t know what to think. She had to admit that the spell was splendid, but she also remembered that he wanted to use it against his dad. She tried to do the calculations in her head but didn’t know if the slashes were relative to the size of the creature or if it was just random slashes. It was difficult to make her conclusions considering this was Severus’ spell, and one that wasn’t written in a textbook that she had read. Blair’s shocked face soon deserted her. “No way,” she said in disbelief. “It takes a great mind to do these things.” Blair felt her words abandon her. She looked at what seemed to be a bleeding textbook and then back to Severus’ glowing face. She wondered how many people knew about this, about what he could achieve.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 18, 2014 18:59:41 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2014 18:59:41 GMT -8

Severus could be somewhat taciturn, truth be told. He spent so much of his time and energy repressing his emotions that when they came up, he did not adequately know how to manage them. Anger, in particular, tended to get the better of him time and time again. What he thought he needed was an outlet for it, but what would have been wiser was to honestly confront the sources of his feelings – not like he had done with Blair, about his father. That had been venting and had turned into nothing more than a glorification and justification of his desire for revenge. It was ignoring the real issues and denying himself a meaningful, lasting way to move forward from the troubles of his past. The longer he fought his anger, his fear, his despair, and even his love, the more they would consume him from within; the longer they would haunt his future. He opted for the easy, satisfying, self-destructive path every time. Like now, plotting to attack his own father, showing off his brilliant curses; he was only sealing back up the bottle of his emotions.

Her reaction was not entirely what he had expected, but the shock on her face was more rewarding than any exclamation could have been. His dark, twisted smile grew. "It can kill, but it doesn't have to," he replied in tone that showed he had no concern about its deadly potential. If anything, he sounded proud to have conceived of something that could be lethal. He continued to explain with enthusiasm. "It depends on where you strike the target. The incision length is determined by the stroke of your wand, but the depth is a consistent two inches, tapering off at the edges, just like an actual cut. The laceration is deep enough to cause severe bleeding, as you saw... That alone can kill."

"As for my father," the demented grin slid from his face and his expression darkened, "no. I don't intend to kill him, unless I have to. Honestly, I don't think that his death would satisfy me. I want to make him hurt; I want him to fear." He looked at Blair calculatingly. Sev was sizing up her reaction, the hesitation in her tone, the concern that had shown on her face for the lifeless animal. He decided to leave it at that, as far as Tobias Snape was concerned, for now. Death was not a concept that Severus balked at. In developing his spell, he had to kill many actual, living creatures to get it right. What were the lives of vermin in the pursuit of creation? Was that not what the two of them had already agreed about Muggles? Perhaps Blair did not have as much experience with getting her hands dirty as he did, and therefore was less comfortable with putting the concept into action. That was understandable, and Sev did not wish to alarm her with his casual attitude toward death. To attempt to smooth over the darkness he had let show, he added, "The counter-curse was much harder to come up with, actually. It knits the flesh back together... It's got a lot of potential, more than the curse itself, really. When the time's right, I might let that one slip out, but it's a very tricky spell. The pitch of your voice matters, for starters... I'd show you what I mean, but again, I couldn't do it on a transfigured object." He gave a small shrug.

"Anyway, making up spells and potions and things is just... I hate to call it a hobby, but it's what I do in my spare time. It helps fill the day and make lessons less tedious. I always see you scribbling stuff down, are you not doing something similar?"

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 19, 2014 10:37:59 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 19, 2014 10:37:59 GMT -8

Blair managed to keep her emotions in check by doing no doubt the opposite of what Severus did. She was always open and honest and thought it was best that way. Naturally, some things couldn’t be spread around, but she always believed that holding something in just allowed things to be stigmatized. If she wasn’t in the wrong about something she didn’t particularly care who knew things about her. Then again, her life wasn’t nearly as dramatic as Severus’ seemed. Maybe if she had all these problems she would find it difficult to cope, too. The issue she was having in that moment was that she was clearly open and willing to talk to him about whatever was bothering him, but every time she tried to get him to say anything he would clam right up. Blair knew that she had to be patient but it was proving difficult due to his stiff demeanour. She tried to relax and pretend that he was just anyone else. If he wanted to talk about something, he would.

She took out her own wand and made a movement with it like she was testing on how to use the spell. Sometimes she felt like having a visual helped her understand. “Okay,” she responded simply. “That makes sense.” She swished her wand a few more times and mouthed the word but she wasn’t quite ready to try it out for real. Not in front of Severus, at least. He was proving to be quite spectacular and she didn’t want to attempt it only to fail. She wanted him to continue to see her as an equal. Usually her spells worked the first time, but incantations in books had all the information, history, and techniques right within it. For this she would have to learn by example of another, which was a bit more difficult. “Enough to leave a scar or two,” she answered with a grin. “Do I even want to know how you effectively came up with it? Are you now going to show me scars all over from where you tested it on yourself?” she was joking but after the words came out of her mouth she realized that this could very well be the case. She sincerely hoped not because that would mean that he put his life in danger for the sake of creating this spell. There were other ways, and she was sure he knew of it – she hoped that he had tested it on animals created from books and objects just like he had shown her.

Blair seemed relieved that Severus wasn’t looking to actually murder his father. “Good. You had me worried for a minute there. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve it but... if caught, the world still severely looks down upon the murder of Muggles, no matter how vicious or inhumane they may be.” It wasn’t so much that she worried for Sev’s father, but rather for Severus himself. He would get convicted in court just based on appearance alone. Blair could imagine him shackled up and coming into the court room with his black hair falling into his pale face, looking down at the floor with shoulders hunched. No, he couldn’t get caught for murder, no matter how much she loathed the man she had never met.

Blair had flinched from the animal out of natural instinct. It had happened so fast that she hadn’t been able to put logic in it, and it had shamed her slightly. She knew it had made her look weak. She felt stupid – people killed other people all the time and no one batted an eye, but when it came to animals … she could have laughed. It was silly.

“Does it only stitch together skin from the original spell, or can it be used to heal other injuries?” she wondered. Not only had Severus proven able to create Dark spells, but he also had the potential to create good ones. He was a master of all levels apparently and both had their uses. Blair blushed at his question. He had not only noticed her scribbling down all the time, but she didn’t know how to explain. “Well, yes… but I’ve never actually tested my theories… I’m like a spell theorist,” she responded slowly, trying to choose her words carefully. “I have the makings of potions and spells but I’ve always been apprehensive of actually testing them or using them. I feel like I know the background and how everything should react together, but I suppose I always have the fear of it going wrong.” She felt vulnerable all of the sudden. She hadn’t wanted to admit weakness to him but that was exactly what she was doing. Being fearful was a silly concern and she was much more aware of it now that she had seen what Severus had courageously accomplished.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 19, 2014 17:32:24 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2014 17:32:24 GMT -8

He watched her swish her wand, and wondered whether this was how the professors felt. It was more than a bit strange to see someone else trying out his handiwork like it was a spell they had learned in a lesson. "A little more forceful. You've got to mean it. Yes, that's better," he commented. If she really wanted to learn, he would oblige. Blair was probably the only person he would trust to share in his creations, other than maybe Lucius. He felt he could count on her to keep things to herself, and he knew beyond a doubt that she would never try to take credit for his ingenuity.

"Of course I have tested it on myself," he responded unabashedly. Sev slid into a seat beside her, finally regaining his ease. "But only after I was sure the counter-curse worked. I needed a human subject, and you'd be surprised how few people are willing to let you cut them up. I took every precaution of course, and I had the sense to start with rats and things. It took a while to... refine the spell. A lot of the early test animals just exploded. Much though a part of me wouldn't mind exploding my father's scotch-addled head, this has more subtlety."

"Anyway, I don't plan on getting caught, even for attacking him. The wizarding world frowns on that too," he said with a flick of his head, as though to drive off an irksome fly. "He wouldn't dare report me. It's just a matter of convincing my fool of a mother to keep quiet. I... believe I can manage it. If not, I'll have to modify her memory, or... something." He had not fully thought it out yet. He had several more months before the term ended, during which to plot his revenge. At the moment, it seemed far less pressing than many of the other things going on in his life, like helping Tyson Edgemont, joining the Death Eaters, and confessing his feelings for Lily. Briefly, the shadow passed back over his face. He was grateful when Blair distracted him again, with questions about his work.

"It's true that technically it is the counter-curse, but it can be used on its own, too, like most things. Where the curse splits open the skin, the counter-curse knits it back together. As you probably know, the Dark Arts are difficult to heal, and the point of Sectumsempra is that the wounds cannot be closed by any means other than the counter-curse, Vulnera Sanentur. Even that has to be performed three times to fully close the incision, but if used on a less severe cut, it can stem blood flow and heal a wound in one pass." Severus managed to speak in a steady, assured tone, but really he was thrilled to be able to talk about such things with Blair.

"You should take the risk," he encouraged her sincerely. "There's nothing in the world more satisfying than seeing your genius bear fruit. It's worth it. And it's fun," he added with a dark smirk. He had only just sat down, but he got to his feet again. There was no mistaking the enthusiasm glowing in the coals of his eyes. "Come on. Tell me something you've been toying with. Maybe I can help you get started."

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 20, 2014 13:12:20 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 20, 2014 13:12:20 GMT -8

Blair swished her wand with a little more force pretending that it was a knife and that she were cutting the air. It seemed to be what Severus was looking for as he praised her. She eyed him for a minute before practising a little more. Blair hadn’t even really realized what she had been doing before he commented on it. It was just something that she did automatically. She had this need to be able to do whatever anyone else could do, if not better. She looked for an object and transformed it into a guinea pig like Severus had done. She coughed and tried to get up the nerve to kill this animate being. “I wonder if they can feel pain?” she asked out loud as she tilted her head in contemplation. Finally she cleared her throat and said, “Sectumsempra!” with a forceful wave of her wand. She imagined herself cutting it with a sharp edge and it seemed to do the trick. Although it didn’t create the flood of blood like Severus’ had, it did the job and the fake guinea pig keeled over in its own blood before turning back into the forgotten quill. She looked at Severus for approval. It hadn’t been perfect but she had done it. “How… satisfying,” she admitted quietly. It wasn’t that she got satisfaction from hurting the animal, but rather the act of cutting into it was. It was unexplainable but she made a note to keep it in her mind. It was a useful spell. “I won’t tell anyone about it,” she promised, trying to abide by Severus’ apparent need for secrecy about just about everything. She pursed her lips for a second. “It wasn’t very deep, though. I’m sure practice makes perfect. Perhaps I had been a little too hesitant.” Blair wasn’t about to pretend to Severus that she had done the spell perfectly as it served no purpose. It was clear that she hadn’t inflicted as much injury on the animal as he had. Then again, who knew how long ago he created the spell? He had invented it and perfected it before he had shown her.

She was somewhat surprised by his sudden honesty. At least he relaxed. Perhaps easing back into regular conversation was easier. It didn’t mean that she didn’t want to know more about him but there was plenty of time for that, and she would try to not pry, even if she thought that she was helping him. She laughed by accident when he said that he exploded some animals – it wasn’t that exploding animals were funny, but it was one of those things that seemed funny in a mental image. “Well, besides, there are already spells that explode things. There’s the blasting curse, confringo, which would explode your father into flames; there’s expulso, which can also make him explode but sans flames, and what’s the fun in that?” she was mostly joking. Blair wrapped one of her curls around her finger absent-mindedly before releasing it, sending it back to bounce into its original place. “I don’t think I need to tell you, though. Sorry, it’s just a habit. Most people don’t seem to know more than alohomora.” She looked at Severus curiously. “Did you scar yourself? I can’t imagine that you’d be left without any marks. If so, that would be stunning.” She looked at his revealed skin but didn’t see any noticeably large scars unless the marks he had inflicted on himself had been less severe like she had cast. She looked away from him for a moment. “I mean, if someone trusted you enough and the spell was doing what it was supposed to and a counter-curse worked out… I mean, there couldn’t be a complete absence of volunteers.” She looked at her feet, which were clad in a pair of black leather flats. “I mean, I would.” She said it so quietly that she wasn’t even sure if Severus heard her. She would volunteer in an instant – she trusted him and knew that it was for the overall good. She doubted that he would ever use anything on her that would hurt her intentionally. Blair didn’t think that she would say such a thing for anyone else. If Severus had the talent and could do such things, all she wanted to do was help him progress.

“There are endless ways to go about it, really, but assault is a lot easier to cover up than murder,” she stated. “A memory charm could work for your mother, but a talented witch or wizard asking questions could reverse it. I’ve heard of it being done before. You could send her away, though, but I’m not sure how attached you are to her. You could make her forget who she was altogether and just create a new life for her in her mind where she lives in Bulgaria or something. You could alter your father’s memory so he thinks someone else did it, but that sort of ruins the point, doesn’t it?” she thought about it for a moment, going over all the options. “You could get your mother on your side. You could lie to her. You could try to make her hate your father. If she sided with you, that’s all it would take. And who would your father make a complaint to? The Muggle police? They couldn’t even find you. Your mother really is the biggest factor in all of this. I mean, unless you actually did murder your father, not like he could talk then, right?” she said with a laugh. “Only joking. There’s still time to go over the final details.”

Blair could almost feel herself memorizing Severus’ words as he spoke them. He spoke with an ease and grace that made her surprised that she didn’t give lectures on the subject. Even if he wasn’t a true Professor, he was proving to be an excellent teacher to Blair who was being a very willing student. “That must have been frightening the first time you came up with the counter-curse and it didn’t work the entire way and you had to realize that you just needed to do it a couple more times,” she mused. She picked at her fingernails, feeling insecurity, an emotion that hardly came to the surface. “Okay. I suppose if I’m going to brainstorm with anyone, it’d be you. Just keep in mind right now these ideas are still in the works, as in I haven’t even begun to test them.” Her mind went back to her notebook, full of disjointed ideas and references to other pages. It was like she could physically see that notebook before her. “Okay, this one seems sort of silly and useless but it’s the first one that comes to mind. Obviously you know the Imperius Charm, but I’ve been toying with the idea of making a more … limited version of the spell. I’ve also considered making this into a potion, but I haven’t decided yet. Well, with the Imperius Charm, the victim is fully controlled by the caster but what if… what if there was a spell that created a softer reaction? I was thinking something that seems more … influential than anything. My idea of making it a potion was that maybe it could be given to the victim gradually. I had the idea that the person would be pushed toward an idea or action, but over time instead of instantaneously. You know when you suggest to someone something in a way that makes them think it was their own idea? Kind of like that. With the Imperius Charm, the person feels relieved of any action that they commit. Not with this. With this, they think whatever they’re compelled into doing is their idea. So, say you wanted someone to… I don’t know, be your friend. You’d give them the potion gradually over a while, perhaps in their drink or food or something, and then they’d think that ‘hey, so-and-so is a great person I want to be friends with.’ Once they believe what they’re doing, you can stop giving them the potion. They would have actually convinced themselves it was what they wanted instead of it just being a result of the potion. I figured that ingredients could have some of the same ones that a love potion would have, you get my thought process, right?” Again, she felt heat rise to her cheeks. “It’s silly, innit?” She hated feeling so unsure of herself. It was so much easier for her to keep all her thoughts and ideas to herself, but another part of her knew that they would simply be on paper without the push of Severus, so may as well open up now. Who knew, perhaps with his help her silly ideas could become so much more.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 20, 2014 21:42:51 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 20, 2014 21:42:51 GMT -8

"Who cares?" Sev answered callously. They were just transfigured objects; even if they had feelings, those feelings were insignificant. The same went for vermin, in his opinion, and they definitely could feel pain. He had once made the mistake of catching a rabbit on the grounds, and it had screamed so terribly he had to flee the scene for fear that someone would think he was torturing a person. That incident had been unnerving, but he had learned his lesson not to experiment on rabbits. Rats and mice only squealed. He watched Blair critically. Her attempt was not bad at all for something she had only learned about minutes before. He gave her an approving smirk. "Of course you won't tell anyone," he said confidently. "I wouldn't have shown it to you if I didn't know that. But, yes, hesitation weakens most things. My curse is no exception."

He let her go on about other curses and things. When she asked about his scars he cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. It was not the he distrusted her, more than he did not know what concern it was of hers. Why she want to know if he had mutilated himself in the pursuit of higher knowledge? Pursing his lips, he replied, "It did leave scars, yes... The cut is deep, and it was only because I was prepared that I was able to heal it sufficiently on my own. Essence of Dittany can prevent scarring if used immediately, but of course Dittany isn't easy to come by. I think even Slughorn would have asked me questions if I'd requested some. It's only got one use, after all, which sort of implies why I'd need it." So instead, in the interest of discretion, he had marred the flesh on his thigh and his chest, places out of sight and within easy reach to be healed. He had to be fast with the healing all the same, and had practiced the Vulnera Sanentur spell tirelessly before he risked himself. It had still been risky, and thinking back on it now, he recognized full well how badly it could have ended, even with all his precautions. Perhaps he had been lucky, but somehow Severus was more inclined to think it was his mastery than had seen him through it. But if Blair was willing to offer herself up to him as a test subject, albeit in a barely-audible whisper, then he would eagerly seize upon her generosity. He reflected that how he felt about her in this moment might be how Lucius felt about him... as something more than a friend; someone who was also useful in a tangible, applicable way. A dark, rather unpleasant smile twisted his mouth. "That means a lot to me, to hear you say that. If you want, I can demonstrate the counter-curse on you now," he added sardonically.

He nodded along to her suggestions about his parents, not heedful of any one, particular idea. Sev did not really wish to re-examine the topic in great detail, for fear of losing his temper again. Even just listening to her list off the possibilities was making his stomach churn unpleasantly. He forced himself to smile at her laugh. "Yeah, there's time." He was glad when she moved on.

Severus actually laughed at her assumption; not cruelly, but because the idea of fearing his own work truly amused him. "I knew what I was doing, or that is, I hypothesized and I was prepared for every eventuality. Prudence and persistence, those are the keys to succeed where others fail. I practiced only on animals for many months. By then it was obvious that the counter-curse acted against the curse in phases. In the first, it merely stops the blood flow; the second two passes are what knit the wound closed. The deeper the cut, the more effort it takes, you follow. And I used Vulnera Sanentur on myself before Sectumsempra, to make sure the effect was the same in humans as on animals... before my life depended on it."

She began to speak about one of her ideas and he found himself listening with rapt attention. The Imperious Curse, he cocked a curious eyebrow. Interesting subject to delve into, and even more intriguing that her curiosity about one of the Unforgivable Curses was the first thing she shared with him. That revealed great trust in him indeed – even if she was not talking about using the curse itself, merely replicating a similar effect. His eyes darted to the door, as if to check that it was still sealed. "You know," he said softly, "that what you're talking about could land you in Azkaban? Not that I'm encouraging you to give up on the idea... I think it's brilliant. But you can never be too cautious when it comes to the Dark Arts... and particularly the Unforgivable Curses." He pointed his wand at the door. "Muffliato."

Even after sealing the room from prying ears, Sev felt the need to move closer to Blair and lower his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Say I wanted to help you... I mean, I've improved upon every potion recipe in our textbooks, and I think you're on the right track with Amortentia... I'd add Felix Felicis to the list of things to research, too... But if I was really willing to help, you'd need to understand the Imperius Curse's effects pretty well. First hand." He was not being sarcastic with this suggestion. The fervor in his dark eyes testified to how much the prospect excited him. To a Half-Blood Death Eater boy, who was trying to claw his way up the ranks to infamy, the Imperious Curse held special appeal. He had always been curious about it; dying to try it out. The thought of controlling someone else so completely was exhilarating to Severus... who often had so little control over his own life. But it was punishable by life imprisonment – even if used harmlessly. Just testing it out would get you locked away for good. He watched Blair closely for her reaction.

TAG BLAIR ELISA MASON
NOTES oh, sev. going from bad to worse...

BLAIR ELISA MASON

?Siri?

Ravenclaw

Sixth Year


Posts: 29

I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 21, 2014 11:12:18 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 21, 2014 11:12:18 GMT -8

Blair shrugged, unperturbed. It had been solely a passing thought. It didn’t seem to bother her now that she had done it. She was willing to sacrifice a dozen more of those stout little creatures if it meant that she could perfect her technique. In the end, their earlier conversation had been truth. She was willing to test on Muggles and she knew for a fact that they could feel pain; who cared about a few conjured rodents? “It just feels so foreign performing a spell that I haven’t learned from a textbook,” she admitted. She glanced at the feather again before she turned her attention back to him. She didn’t want to just sit there and tear about rodents. She could do that on her own time. Severus was always here and there and sometimes it felt that she seldom had the time to be along with him. Blair swished her wand a few times and tried to visualise a human in front of her instead of an inconsequential animal. All she saw was Severus so she tucked her wand away. She knew that she had a tendency to be a touch too literal and at times like this it didn’t do her any favours.

Blair didn’t care about his scars for any educational purpose but was rather just asking out of her own curiosity. He always gave her the strangest looks when she questioned him about something personal and it agitated her. Was having a friend as alien to him as it was to her? If so, for him it was clearly showing… well, unless he was just closed up about every aspect of his life. Blair hoped that this trend didn’t continue. She felt a little hindered by her ability to only ask educational questions. She nodded along to him. He managed to make his response educational anyway, so why the cold front? “Hm. Brave of you.” She didn’t think she’d ask Slughorn for Essence of Dittany either. She could only imagine the conclusions the man could draw from requesting such an item. It didn’t necessarily mean that she was practising Dark Arts, but it could mean that she was intending on harming herself or others. “Perhaps a Quidditch player could get away with it,” she deliberated for a second. “Then again, if I were him I would just tell Quidditch players that they could simply go to the Hospital Wing if injured.” Blair was glad that everything had gone well. It would no doubt only take one calamity to shut down any experimental tendencies that Severus possessed.

She looked at him pensively. She disliked his tone and immediately felt like she should withdraw and that perhaps she had offered herself much too willingly. Maybe he saw it as weakness. Whatever the case, she pulled back slightly and gave a polite yet distant smile. “Perhaps another time. I’m not feeling particularly scar-inducing today,” she retorted, feeling slightly disconcerted.

Blair wasn’t blind to the fact that Severus sort of just cut the conversation about his future plans with his father. She didn’t know if she made him uncomfortable or if he was so motivated by their other topics that he wanted to breeze over it for now, or perhaps he would like to discuss it when he had it a little more put together. Blair tried to read him but found it immensely arduous. People weren’t like reading books and Severus’ ability to put on a vacant exterior made it even more vexing. With Severus it felt like trial and error. She would make a shot in the dark comment and if he came back with a scowl she knew that it wasn’t something to be spoken about at the moment. She hoped that he didn’t find her tiresome in the meantime.

“Okay. If you ever need to discuss it or brainstorm about it some more, let me know.” She felt like all of her ideas had been stupid ones. Sending his mother away? What kind of insensitive suggestion had that been? Severus had this innate ability to get Blair riled up and as a girl without a filter already, when she was excited it became even worse. She hoped that he knew that she had been just throwing out whatever came to her mind and that she hadn’t been actually trying to forcefully suggest something or anything. It was just strange to her how he had opened up to her on the subject and now seemed to shut down. Whatever, whatever.

“I personally have this belief that fear of failure is what makes potentially great people mediocre,” she theorized gently. She knew this applied to herself as well. Blair wanted to be the best, and her fear of not becoming so was what dragged her down. It was a silly thing considering at the moment she was far from the top and by doing nothing she was remaining below. It felt bizarre to Blair that she was actually sharing her emotions and feelings with someone else for the first time in her life. It didn’t look like a big deal and all it simply did was look like a regular conversation but on the inside she felt like she wasn’t even in her own body. It felt like someone else was speaking her own words for her. Although she was being a little unsure about what she was saying she felt as if she should be feeling more anxiety than she was. Severus made her feel comfortable yet challenged at the same time. He did not sugar coat his reactions but he also wasn’t unnecessarily cruel. It was an impeccable combination that made her feel more accustomed to him than anyone else.

Blair felt like a broken record but all she wanted to do was repeat to him that he was a genius, that he was brave, that he was cunning. There was no point anyway. She was sure that the look in her eyes told him everything that he needed to know about how she felt. “I suppose there’s no gaining without risk,” she murmured, her mind going through everything that they were discussing. Blair knew that she had been playing it safe. She had felt so imperative when she scrawled away in her notebooks but she was becoming increasingly aware that her doing so meant nothing. They were just words on a page that would be easily forgotten unless she did something about it. Severus was the motivation she needed and she felt silently grateful for it.

She was pleasantly surprised that Severus paid such undivided attention to her idea. She thought herself rambling and disjointed but he made her feel otherwise, like she was making perfect sense and not gibberish. She was elated that he had thought to mute the room. Blair doubted anyone had their ear pressed against the door, but who could predict the actions of others? For some reason, the words that came from his mouth made her grin.

“It’s just… I feel like there’s more power in pushing people to do things of their own accord than outright forcing them to do it,” she had been thinking about this one for a while. “It’s a lot less noticeable, and the gradualness of it would not cause alarm in others. People change all the time. This is just redirecting them,” Blair’s eyes lit up as she spoke. “People always underestimate the power of stealth.” She didn’t know why people always wanted to go full out immediately. Patience tended to yield better results, particularly in the long run. She supposed that the Unforgiveable Curses had their uses in combat when they didn’t have the time, but that rarely happened. She no doubt believed that this potion she was creating in her mind would have great uses in this upcoming war.

Blair looked at Severus in surprise. She tried to not back down or avoid eye contact. Did she trust him? Absolutely. It didn’t change the fact that if he did this wrong that they could end up with horrible consequences. She didn’t want to ask him if he had performed it before or anything of the like. She didn’t want to know. What she did want was experience, and Severus proved to wield it. She shook her head, curls bouncing, and then laughed as she looked at him again. “Fuck it. Yeah, you know what? Go for it. I’m sure you could use the practise with the spell, anyway. Win-win.” She hopped up from the desk and thought that her heart would be pounding or that her palms would be sweaty but instead she felt calm as if she wasn’t about to be absolutely controlled by another with no one around to save her if things were to go wrong.

tag: @sev
notes: ugh, sorry for the shite post

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 22, 2014 14:47:23 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2014 14:47:23 GMT -8

"You did well," he affirmed her skill in a straightforward, rather than flattering, tone. "Really, for your first attempt, it was good. And I can't blame you for turning me down... I won't pretend it's not dangerous or that it doesn't hurt. Actually, it hurts quite a lot," he said with an apathetic flick of his head. He'd had worse. Besides which, Severus had learned from a very young age how to shut down and detach himself from pain. It was an abstract, and he merely had to focus on the tangible. Bleeding that heavily had been a little bit of a shock to his senses the first attempt, but by the second time he had tried Sectumsempra on himself, he was prepared for the sensation.

He was made aware of how he had rebuffed Blair in response to his family. She was trying to help with her suggestions; he knew that. It was poor repayment of her support to turn so cold. It was also foolish to give her any incentive to consider spreading his situation around the school. Not that he believed she would, but when people felt spited, they did not always hold to their morals. "It's just..." he paused, fighting against the irritation that was bubbling up inside of him. He tried to give a nonchalant shrug, but the motion came out stiff and uncomfortable. "There's not much I can do about my parents right now. Not until term is over. And, besides... I have... other things to think about." His voice ended in a withdrawn whisper. He did not elaborate further.

He nodded to her wise observation in a single, slow motion. "Precisely. You can only succeed if you are prepared to fail. Risks can always be minimized – but if you take no action, out of fear, you'll never achieve anything in life. I'm glad you see that. I'm glad you're willing to risk. Theorizing comes to you naturally, I know, but you're like me – if we push ourselves to do something, there's no stopping either one of us."

"And you're right again," he continued. "It's hard to overestimate the power of subtlety. That's what's so wrong with all of our Potions books, for one thing. They say, 'do this,' but don't bother to explain the optimal method... as though the fine distinctions don't matter. Of course, it's the fine distinctions that make all the difference in the world, and not just to potion making. Your plan is a good one: suggest rather than compel. I really am happy to help you..."

He 'could use the practice' with an Unforgivable Curse? Sev wondered how much Blair knew, or guessed, of the intentions behind his offer. He hesitated for a moment, fixing her with the calculating stare. But then the twisted smirk broke out of his face once again. He raised his wand. "Imperio!" Consenting target though she was, he felt her struggle against him, but he forced his will upon her. Her mind slowly quieted, as Severus took command. The feeling was everything that he had imagined it, and so much more. Total domination. The power he held was intoxicating; he could easily see himself becoming addicted to this... He exerted his will, and watched her raise her arm and wave at his mere whim. Like a wind-up soldier, he marched her around the room. Time to test a little further.

"My name is Blair Mason. I like pretty, pink unicorns. I mark every good day in my diary with rainbow stickers. And I'm secretly plotting to murder Albus Dumbledore in his sleep." He heard her speak aloud the words he compelled her to, trying things he thought she might try to resist. "Why, Blair, you shouldn't admit those things out loud," he needled with a savage grin. "Let's see some magic, to make up for it. How does it work when I tell you to..." She lifted her wand, "Reducto!" One of the desks exploded into a pile of dust. Snape had wondered whether she could perform magic on her own, or whether he would somehow force magic to work through her. It appeared that she was capable of summoning up the willpower necessary to cast spells, without his direct intervention. Satisfied with this test, he lifted the curse from Blair. Eagerly, he said, "Well... That was certainly... enlightening. How are you? What was it like?"

TAG BLAIR ELISA MASON
NOTES hope the imperius stuff was okay; tell me if you want a change anywhere.

BLAIR ELISA MASON

?Siri?

Ravenclaw

Sixth Year


Posts: 29

I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 25, 2014 13:14:20 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 25, 2014 13:14:20 GMT -8

Blair enjoyed the fact that Severus was quite impartial in the way that he spoke. It made her feel like she did a good job rather than him just flattering her because he wanted to stay on her good side. It just felt like if she didn’t do a good job that he’d let her know which was reassuring. Blair believed in learning through mistakes and redirection rather than false positivity, a trait that was unfortunately rather common in professors. Blair frowned slightly at Severus’ words. Her mind was much too creative and therefore it felt like she could actually see him in the pain, huddled away in the dark where no one would interrupt him. It wasn’t an image that she liked and it only reaffirmed her belief that perhaps others should suffer in place of those who were destined for greatness. Why should Severus suffer for his own genius? It should be the ones who contributed nothing to society. “Well, maybe once I’m a little desensitized to all of this practical learning,” she responded in a non-committal way. She wasn’t sure if she was quite ready to feel pain in order for progress. Then again, other than his sewing-the-wounds idea (that sounded like he already perfected), they hadn’t discussed any spells that required pain to practice for. She felt perhaps in the heat of the moment when it happened that she might be more willing, but not for something that he had already achieved. Blair was also more willing if it had been something that she had come up with.

“That’s fine,” she said. She had tried letting it go with her last response, but perhaps he had misread her intentions. Blair hadn’t meant that they needed to talk about it further now, just if he ever wanted someone to talk about it with. Blair left it at that. If her tone seemed final then perhaps he wouldn’t struggle with what she was saying. She wasn’t used to this sort of socializing, so she just figured she was doing it wrong. Blair just wanted to get across that she would be there for him no matter what.

Blair couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Just like anyone, she liked to be complimented, but it meant even more to her when it came from someone like Severus Snape. He had this cold, withdrawn ambience about him that made her believe that perhaps compliments weren’t overly common with him. She believed in him wholly. Her smile widened further when he stated that he was ‘happy’ to help her. Just that one word allowed a warm sensation to flow throughout her body and give her hope. “Merlin, Severus, sometimes I feel like we come from the same mind. Maybe we’re related somewhere along the line – but unless you have some sort of melanin deficiency, I doubt it.” She chuckled at her own little joke. She knew they differentiated greatly within their heads, but the little distinctions were so similar that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he had simply read her notebooks and was reciting what she wrote back to her.

Blair felt an overwhelming calmness come over her. It was like her mind was drifting outside of her body. She could vaguely feel her movements and the words that she articulated, but it was like someone else completely was doing all the work – and in all actuality there was. Blair panicked for a moment and realized what she had gotten into. Severus had complete control over her – she couldn’t fight the spell, however, and so she just relaxed against it. There was a strange sensation of just not caring whatsoever and it was beautiful in a way. She felt like a puppet and Severus her puppeteer. Even as a desk exploded, she felt no concern about what she was doing or saying. Blair’s knees weakened as he lifted the spell and she nearly collapsed and most likely would have if she didn’t grab a nearby desk. Being back properly in her body made her feel heavy. “It was…” she seemed like she was spacing out for a second. “Utterly and completely relaxing.” It wasn’t the answer that she had expected but it was what she felt. “I didn’t feel annoyed with what you made me say, I didn’t care that I exploded a desk, I just felt… absolutely no responsibility.” For her, that was a great achievement. She always felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders and for those few brief moments, it wasn’t. “You’re quite skilled… was that your first time or…?” she didn’t bother ask if she could reciprocate on him. He tensed up at the slightest word so she doubted that he would allow her complete control. She wasn’t bothered by the fact that she had more faith in him than he in her. After all, they had completely different experiences growing up and different mindsets. All that mattered was that he didn’t destroy her trust or leave her withered and worn out when he felt like he was finished with her.

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 26, 2014 8:23:28 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2014 8:23:28 GMT -8

"Relaxing?" he repeated in surprise. His obsidian eyes were two hot coals glowing with intellectual fervor. His words were short, eclipsed by the expansion of his thoughts into endless possibilities and theoretical underpinnings, but his tone was passionate with enthusiasm. "Really? Interesting... That's very interesting. You didn't even desire to fight back, then? The curse is able to pacify the mind, preventing you from wanting to rebel? How ingenious. Yes, of course... That explains why it's so easy for people to fall under its sway. Their will to resist is gone. Very Machiavellian, and clearly no less effective."

He reflected back over how it had felt from his side. He savored that glorious and absolute sense of control like it was a fine wine, mulling over its body on his mental palette. The depth of flavor was difficult to quantify. The sensation had been complex; a feeling of power that had to be without parallel on earth. Severus had been obsessed with that particular subject all his life. He had pushed as far as he dared in the pursuit of supremacy. Witnessing something die by his own hand in his experimentation had been a start; a dark exercise of his strength. Not long ago he had gone further still, invading the mind of another person during his lessons with Avona Giovanni. But this – the Imperius Curse – had no compare. It knew no bounds.

"Thank you. It felt–" he stopped himself on the cusp of saying 'good,' instead opting for a less disquieting summary, "strange. Strange to be in control of someone else, and to such an extent! Imagine if that desk had been a person. I can see why it is forbidden. But no, I have never used any of the Unforgivable Curses... I wasn't sure what to expect. Not that. Although, I suppose it might have been easier for me than for some. I happen to know a little Legilimency. The effects are very different, of course, but the skills required to break into the mind are probably similar for both things."

He would have to consider those similarities further and do some research. There might be connections between the two spells that he could exploit to some future benefit. On the subject of which, he had nearly forgotten the reason Blair had let him curse her at all. His brain was teeming with new ideas – and that was the whole point. She wanted to duplicate and alter the effects. After his trial, he could certainly see the need of it. The Imperius Curse was undeniably strong, but it was hardly subtle. The target was aware of their manipulation. He spoke more softly as he pondered the concern aloud. "I... think what you're after may be possible, but I also think it will be very, very difficult. I had thought initially that a potion would be the better way forward, but I'm less certain now. From what I could tell, even Amortentia and Felix Felicis, the two most compelling potions that I know, don't come close to the Imperius Curse. Both potions suggest things to the imbiber in the subtle manner you're looking for, but I believe a potion would lack the required complexity. You might be able to make a potion for a specific action, to illicit a desire for one thing – to murder, to make someone eat only kippers, what have you – but more elaborate tasks won't be possible. For example, Amortentia reproduces the effects of only love, and its ingredients include samples of the person the drinker will feel affection for. I don't know of any mind-altering potions which would allow for the sort of multilayered tasks that a curse could. There's also the fact that a spell could be used more widely than a potion, which will require difficult-to-come-by ingredients and take both time and skill to brew. No," he said, finally pausing to draw breath, "I think a spell is the way to go."

If it was to be that, then there was something else they needed to test... His expression became cold and calculating once more. "You have to put me under the Imperius Curse, too," he said slowly. "If we really want to do this, we need to know more than what the curse can do. We need to understand its limits and how the mind rebels. I am going to fight you and try to break free." Severus did not particularly like the idea, but he understood its necessity. Additionally, a voice in the back of his head reminded him that this would be enlightening for him, too. He had already taken steps to secure his thoughts against outside influence; learning to resist the Imperius Curse was the next step. As he faced her, he began to use Occlumency, keening his mind and emptying it of all emotion. He braced himself as Blair raised her wand.

TAG BLAIR ELISA MASON
NOTES sent you a PM

BLAIR ELISA MASON

?Siri?

Ravenclaw

Sixth Year


Posts: 29

I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 27, 2014 10:26:07 GMT -8

Post by BLAIR ELISA MASON on Jun 27, 2014 10:26:07 GMT -8

Blair could tell that Severus was somewhat surprised by her answer. She, too, hadn’t expected what she had experienced. For some reason, she had expected discomfort or even pain as someone else controlled her every move. Instead it was like being a passenger. “I’m not sure… I guess I might have panicked at one point and tried to resist but after a while I sort of just… succumbed to it. Maybe it’s because I trust you, I’m not sure. It could have been different if someone else was doing it, but there’s no way to really know. It’s just once I let it wash over me I was just calm.” She spoke dreamily as if it had been perfect. It hadn’t been. Severus could have literally done anything he wanted with her and she would have been aware of it but unable to stop it. Blair had heard of reports of the Imperius Curse used on people for years. “I’m curious as to whether people become more accustomed to it the longer they’re under. Do you think they just accept it as their life after months?” she was always full of questions and her inquiries were rarely not vocalized.

Blair felt strange that he was thanking her. Was it not a mutual curiousity? If so, did she really need thanking? She felt a little confused, but it wasn’t due to what he said, but rather his words had initiated it. She hoped that she truly understood Severus’ motives and that she wasn’t just his plaything that he was taking advantage of. “Legilimency is very complicated. I personally think it’s more invasive than the Imperius Curse… you can see anything in someone else’s head.” She wasn’t sure if she felt as comfortable offering herself up for that sort of experiment. It’s not that Blair felt like she had a lot to hide but her head was always so busy that she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with what Severus might scrounge up. “How do you even know that? Not like you can practise that one on yourself.” She wondered if perhaps he practised on people unknowingly. Not ever have been under that spell, she didn’t know its effects and whether the person on the receiving end was truly aware what was going on when their brain was being sorted through like a filing cabinet.

“I’m just hesitant about a spell because those are a little easier to trace,” Blair admitted with a shrug. “There are pros and cons of both. At least with a potion you don’t have to be in the victim’s sight at all times. Then again, if the Imperius Curse can be used for ages it’s not like the caster has to be with them, which in itself is unusual.” She pondered it over for a moment, her mind racing. She knew that he was right, but the concept of creating her own spell or curse seemed daunting. She considered what Severus had said about testing Sectumsempra on himself and that admittedly worried her as she wasn’t sure if she was prepared for such sacrifices. Then again, she knew that sacrifices were necessary – but what if something went wrong? “Perhaps with this it would be easiest to work backward. We already know that the Imperius Curse creates complete control. If we can work our way down from such an extreme we could possibly get the results we’re looking for.” She had changed from speaking about her idea as if it were own to suddenly as if they shared custody of it. “Obviously Latin is how you can get certain reactions. Imperio derives from ‘imperium,’ which means control, so there’s an obvious correlation there. I would assume that softer translations of it such as ‘ditio’ which is a direct translation of ‘sway’ might offer better results. But that’s quite down the line. I think the next step from Imperio would still have closer origins to its original word such as Imperi or Perium. Who knows what a slight change of wording could do?” She had rambled without meaning to, and throughout the entire rant her eyes had scanned the floor as if she were looking for something. She wasn’t an expert in Latin by any means and couldn’t fluently speak it, but she was rather good at origins. How could she not? After all, Blair was obsessed with the meaning behind things, and Latin was an easy first base.

Blair was startled that Severus had offered to go under the Imperius Curse as well. Her eyes widened and she took her wand out as if she were unsure of her actions. She didn’t want to seem apprehensive in case her body language turned Severus off to the concept. She was intrigued by performing the spell but the fact that Blair worked mostly in theory before now (in contrast to Snape’s apparent practical theses) held her back slightly.

“I mean… yeah, that makes sense. It’s sort of hard to explain so this would probably be for the best.” As she stood up she felt a little more confident. Facing Severus she raised her wand to him. It felt strange to be casting an Unforgiveable Curse on the person she considered her only friend. She bit the inside of her cheek and looked him over. He seemed to be quite concentrated but Blair didn’t know if it would be enough. She let out a breath before murmuring, “Imperio.” The sensation overtook her immediately and it was overwhelming. She felt almost the opposite of how she did under the Curse. She felt powerful, exquisite. Severus seemed like a ragdoll. She had him walk across the room and then hop back like a bunny rabbit with his hands perched near his chest and all. She had him do a type of barrel roll. Blair got him to take out his wand, but as she did she felt a strange resistance. It felt like a kind of pressure upon her but she fought back. She got him to produce a bouquet of flowers. She hadn’t wanted him to do anything drastic as they had already blown up a desk and didn’t want to inadvertently draw more attention to their activities. Blair went to get him to run his hands through his hair dramatically like a model, but just as his fingers touched the hair near his forehead she felt as if something physically forced her back and she felt the instant break. Blair took a step back from being thrown off balance and took a few deep breaths as her eyes locked with Severus’ intensely. “That was… extreme.” She slid back into her chair and kept looking at Severus as if he were an anomaly. “How did you do that? It was amazing it just… it felt like you were physically forcing me back despite the fact you weren’t even near me.”

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I'm the one who is gone || OPEN Jun 30, 2014 18:46:58 GMT -8

Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2014 18:46:58 GMT -8

"That would make sense," Sev affirmed Blair's hypothesis. "People accept even the worst things once they've become accustomed to them... And even without being under the control of a curse. Like my mother," he added very quietly. "But it's weakness to give in." The gaze that met Blair's was steady and confident. Someone people did not have the strength to keep fighting back, but Severus would never be one of those. The only thing over which he had complete power was his mind. He would stop at nothing to protect himself and maintain that control. He refused to go the way of his mother; he refused to ever submit. It was that unyielding will of his which had made him a natural at Occlumency and would hopefully give him an edge resisting the Imperius Curse.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you how I learned Legilimency, or Occlumency... But it's not as straight-forward as you make it sound. It's not like peering through a window into someone's head. Mostly it's just glimpses, like recognizing shapes in a heavy fog. You have to really concentrate hard to invade a person's thoughts completely. It takes a lot of effort. A lot," he repeated. It had exhausted him to delve into Avona Giovanni's mind as deeply as he had. The experience had been enlightening in more ways than one, but it had been equally nerve-wracking. Occlumency was a lot less draining for him; it felt almost like second-nature to Severus.

"Working backward from the Imperius Curse does sound like the best way to proceed," he agreed. A small smile twitched on his mouth as she started getting distracted in linguistics. It amused him because it reminded him of himself. The words which made up an incantation could make all the difference to the outcome, as he knew. For example, in addition to its effects, the very vocabulary of Sectumsempra was endearing to him. 'Sever always,' it was like his own private pun in a spell that was anything but comical. "I can see that you've already got the basis we'll need to tweak the incantation. I very much suggest we switch to experimenting on animals, though. One mistake and the recipient might end up addled for good. I don't think either of us are eager for that, and from my experience, there will be many more mistakes than successes."

As she raised her wand on him, Severus tensed. He almost expected a physical blow as the Imperius Curse hit him, but instead, it was like the surge of a cool sea on a hot day. He was completely relaxed, tranquil. He felt calm like never before; his mind was silent and still. Very distantly, he was aware of his body moving without him, but it did not matter. He was content to drift placidly along. Then suddenly, there was a warmth in his hand – he was actually aware that he had a hand, which was holding onto his wand. Then, slowly at first, he began to come back to himself. He was under the Imperius Curse. He was being manipulated from the outside. Something hardened in his dark eyes. Yes, he could feel her there in his mind, controlling him like a marionette. No, he thought consciously. Anger replaced the sense of peace, and with a great exertion of will, he forced her out. Sev felt the curse break like the snapping of a cord in his brain. An intense pant of air expelled itself through his clenched teeth. He still felt angry. He took a deep breath in and let it out again. Slowly the fire cooled in his eyes. He tried to keep his voice steady, while he answered, "It is... a bit like Occlumency. It's difficult to explain, but you first have to become aware. When I realized what I was doing, that you were making me do it, it woke me out of that stupor. I... didn't like it, so I shoved back." He shook his head. It was almost impossible to describe properly. "It is a bit like physically pushing someone, but with your mind. It's that same overwhelming will to fight. I, er, don't know how much clearer I can be. It's not easy."

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