Playing with Fire || Noah

Noah had to spend extra time every week in remedial courses. He was grateful that his professors were willing to give him the extra time, but at the same time he cursed having to spend his evenings doing extra work on top of his homework. Eileen had begun to help him out with school work, which meant that he was able to cut a few of the remedial courses out – the courses that he wasn’t failing that badly at. Noah figured that if he failed fifth year again that he would just drop out. He couldn’t be an eighteen-year-old fifth year. Just the thought of that put shivers down his spine.

By the time he had finished with his remedial Potions, he knew he had splatters of potions on him but there was nothing he could do about that until he got back to the common room. Because it was after nine, he had to be escorted back to the common room, something he did begrudgingly. He was of age and still had to be escorted around after nine pm. He felt absolutely ridiculous. Noah had pulled the hood up to his sweater as he walked, hoping not to be recognized as anyone. Not only that, but if he was seen by a student while walking with a prof, they would no doubt think he was some sort of brown noser. 

All he wanted to do was shed his clothes and take a shower. He didn’t stink per say, but he had some flowery scent on him from the potion he was making. His plans came to a halt when he came through the common room door and saw Allison there. His stomach did a flip involuntarily. The sight of her still got his heart racing, but he was never sure whether it was from anger or attraction. No matter how much Noah told himself that he hated Allison, he had always gone back to her. Not this time, though. Things were different now. It didn’t matter that the flickering of the fire sent flattering shadows across her face, or that the green in her hair intrigued him, it didn’t matter because he had self-control. Besides, they had both cheated on each other in the past and some wounds were just too deep. 

“Yeah… I don’t remember supposed to be meeting with you?” he said it like a question, because her tone sounded expectant and irritable, like he was late for a date or something. Noah stood there with his hands in his pocket. He should have just walked past her and to the bathroom, but something kept him glued there. He was curious. “What do you want, Allie?” 

He had been trying to avoid Allison for a while now. Ever since she found out about him going to seen Jessica she had lost her mind. What was he supposed to do? He had needs, Allison wasn’t fulfilling them, and his parents had sent him cash for a Christmas present. He wasn’t even sure if he was technically dating Allison at the time. It felt like they never really had a concrete beginning or end. It just was. He didn’t want to deal with her shit anymore, but he supposed it was inevitable considering they were in the same House. 

Noah didn’t answer Allison’s first questions because he knew that she wasn’t done. She was never done, so he just stood there, waiting for her to talk more. He was tired, and not really in the mood for this. He felt a little nervous when she came striding toward him in the smallest outfit she probably owned outside of lingerie, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if she had been planning wearing it but then changed her mind and decided on something just a touch less slutty.

He didn’t encourage her to come closer, but she did so anyway until she was so close that he could smell the familiar scent of her faint perfume. Or perhaps it was just her natural scent. The way she smelt was incredibly familiar to him, and he was never sure if it was natural or not. He rolled his eyes as she touched him. Noah grabbed her wrists with sudden realization and pulled her hands off of him, looking angrily down at her.

“You found out about Eileen, didn’t you?” he demanded. Yes, she still looked unbelievably sexy, and if circumstances were different, he would have just gone with it, probably right in the common room as well. It wasn’t like the two of them had ever been shy before about it. “You haven’t said shit to me in like two months and now you’re all up on me like I’m made of chocolate or some shit.” It was probably the worst analogy ever, but it was the first one that had come out of his mouth. 

Noah didn’t release her wrists, he just held them there in front of her body so that she couldn’t just pull away and stomp upstairs to the girls’ rooms. If she did that, then this whole crap would play out all over again some other time. Really, though, it probably would happen again anyway. A part of him tried to convince himself that was the reason he was holding her, even though another part knew the real truth. Noah didn’t want to find Allison sexy anymore. He wanted to start dating Eileen and suddenly be blind to other girls, but that just didn’t happen. 

Noah felt Allison struggle slightly, but he kept his grip. He knew that Allison was strong, but he knew that he was stronger. He had never hit Allison before, but that didn’t mean that they didn’t get into their infamous fights, especially ones where he had to restrain her. Sometimes that bitch went crazy, so he didn’t hesitate to push her against the wall or straddle her down. Most of the time his wand lay forgotten. He was able to think faster with his movements than with his wand, and if it came to fighting with wands, Noah was actually worried that Allison would win, and cause more damage than she meant.

“Don’t talk about Eileen like that,” he grumbled to her, wondering if that was really how he came off. Did it seem like he was just a puppy that Eileen had on a leash? He was so busy showing her off to anyone who would look their way that he didn’t register how it might come across to them. He rolled his eyes. “Are you going to pick a fight because I used a bad meta… whatever?” he asked, finishing the sentence the way he had because he didn’t remember the word that Eileen had used. He didn’t want to even see Allison. Every time he did he remembered everything about their relationship, every time they broke up, got back together, fucked, all of it. He was so passionate about her that she was all that was on his mind when they were together. He would miss an abundant amount of classes just to go see her. He suspected it was because of her that he had failed fifth year. Sure, Noah wasn’t that bright, but he had never failed all of his classes before. He was too busy trying to spend time with Allison, trying to take in every bit of her, like the two of them were running out of time. 

“I don’t need your fucking approval for everything, Allie!” he exclaimed, his voice now getting louder and his hands getting tighter around her wrists. “Who the hell cares that I saw her? It was my coming of age present to myself. Get the hell over it, it was one time. It’s not like you’ve never screwed around,” he responded. Noah didn’t even like talking about the prostitute. She had been pleasant, funny, but he doubted down the trail in his life that he would even remember her. There hadn’t been passion, there had just been fucking. He knew he would never spend money on that again, and he had hoped that Allison wouldn’t have found out. He saw the tears in Allie’s eyes, but it had gotten to the point that he was over her tears. She could put on a good cry within seconds, and it had been an effective weapon for quite some time. Now he just didn’t care. Maybe that made him a bad person, but in the moment he just wanted to get away from her. No, the more he was in her presence the more that he wanted to fight with her. 

Noah suddenly let go of her when she leaned into him. He didn’t know what to do. He raised his arms up to either side of him, not sure if he should wrap them around her or push her away. He compromised by grabbing her by the shoulders and holding her at arm’s length. “Well, isn’t it too bad that you’re too late?” he sneered. A sick part of Noah was enjoying seeing Allie hurt like this, and an even sicker part enjoyed the fact that she was so desperate to be with him. There had to be something about him that was special if he had a girl that was willing to do anything for him.

Noah didn’t say anything at first; rather he just let Allison’s words sink in. He could feel himself getting angry, his heart beginning to race faster and his mind going wild. He was beginning to get so angry at Allison, he just wanted her to shut up about Eileen. Eileen was good, she was nice and smart. “Stop it, just because she’s hotter than you doesn’t give you reason to be a jealous whore,” he snapped. It always got under girls’ skin when a guy called another girl hotter, whether they were dating or interested in each other or not. He could only imagine Allison’s fury. He had always told her how she was the most beautiful girl around and how no one could compare. He practically engrained it into her skull he said it so many times, reassured her, made her feel better. Even during their fights he would call her beautiful, call her an idiot for thinking she was anything less than gorgeous.

Noah scoffed at her. “No, you’re right, I had fucked before, but did you ever think I wanted some variety? That perhaps I was getting tired of you just laying there? I may as well have been fucking a cold pillow for all the movement you gave me.” It was a bit of an exaggeration. There had been nothing wrong with how they did it, in fact, he enjoyed it – a lot. But he just wanted to say anything to piss her off. In reality, he wasn’t sure why he did it. Perhaps he did want something new, maybe he just wanted to remind himself of what it was like being with someone else. 

“Oh whatever,” he responded to her teary face. “I don’t need to be good to you. It’s not like you’re anything to me anymore.” More lies. He knew somewhere deep inside she would always be something to him. You couldn’t just throw away a love like that. It was impossible. But he wanted something better, something easier. Being with Allison felt dangerous. At any possible moment one of them would do something that would hurt the other, and Noah was sick of it. He probably would have went back to her if he hadn’t come across Eileen that one day and got to know her, to realize there were good people out there whose mission wasn’t just to screw someone else over. 

“Yeah I do! I DON’T OWE YOU A THING.” He said, his voice getting gradually louder. What would it take for her to realize that they weren’t anything anymore? The worst part was that they were trapped in the same House, destined to always come across each other’s path and rip open healing wounds. Noah felt his hands clench at his side as he listened to Allie’s rampage. “I don’t care if she has money, our relationship doesn’t have to do with that, I don’t care that I paid for the dates, I offered,” he tried to explain. He didn’t know that Eileen was rich, nor did he know how Allison knew. “She is NOT using me!” he yelled at her. He took a step toward her and pointed a finger at her threateningly. “I don’t even want to know how you know that much about her, but stay the fuck away from her, you crazy bitch.” 

Noah knew that he was crazy, too, but those two words just felt good coming out of his mouth. His eyes bore into Allison’s, shooting daggers. He wanted to take her and shake her, he wanted her to just go away. “I don’t know what you think you know about Eileen and I, but you’re wrong.” He said it with such conviction that it sounded like he believed the words coming out of his mouth. “You only want me because someone else has me now, admit it.”

Noah wasn’t at all surprised that Allison slapped his hand away. He almost expected it. It almost made him angrier that he could predict her moves, that he knew too much about her. He took a step back when she pushed him, but then grounded his feet so that she couldn’t proceed to push him over. “Why? What the hell are you going to do to me?” he again sneered. His back was arched in a defensive manner. He couldn’t imagine a tiny girl like Allison could cause him much harm. In reality, he didn’t think she’d intentionally hurt him at all. Deep down he knew that she still loved him, as a part of him did her.

“I will.” Noah said confidently. “If she wanted to be with him, she would. It doesn’t even matter! Even without Eileen I wouldn’t be with you.” His confidence was beginning to waver. He didn’t like how Allison knew about Gavin. He had tried to shake Gavin from his thoughts ever since he met the man on his and Eileen’s first date. Now Allison was shoving all his insecurities back into his face, and he didn’t even want to think about it. Gavin was smart, good looking, and had a good job. Of course he was a threat, Noah knew it, but it didn’t stop him from wanting Eileen. For once in his life, he wanted to be the important one, the one the girl preferred. He didn’t want to be a goddamned last choice or a fall back plan. 

Allison beat on his chest, and she had real force behind it. She was angry, but so was Noah and he certainly did not like being punched in the chest. He grabbed her by her forearms, spun her around, and then slammed her against the wall. He put his hands at either side of her face and leaned into her dangerously. “You do not hate me. You also do not want to go down this road, Allie.” Noah felt angry enough to hit her, but it wasn’t the first time in his life that he had that urge. He always kept it down, repressed it. She was starting to go too far, though, and it was getting harder to not hurt her physically for the way she was treating him emotionally. 

Noah glared right back at Allison. It wasn’t his job to make her happy anymore. He spent too much of his time in the past worrying about what made Allie happy, what she needed. Noah almost lost himself in Allison, and that was a dangerous line that he had walked. He tried to ignore the tugging sensation in his stomach that drew him to her. They weren’t healthy, at all. Sometimes he felt like they were too alike to be a couple. If he screamed at her, she would scream back louder.

“You and I... we’re not happy together.” He said it as a statement, not a question. He leaned his head against the back of Allison’s. He felt her body arch into his and he wanted to move his hands down to her body. It had been a while since he even felt a girl up this close. He and Eileen had a more innocent sort of relationship, one that was emotionally fulfilling but so far not physically. Allison was the opposite for him. He had these two women in his life, and a part of him wished that he could merge them together. Feeling her hands on his forearms, certain memories came to the front of his brain and it took all of his self-control not to act on his impulses. It wouldn’t be fair to Eileen to betray her. She had done nothing wrong. She was perfect. 

“The road where I won’t ever forgive you,” he muttered in her ear, not releasing his grip around her. “The one where I fucking hate you, the one where I will do anything to make your life a living hell.”

His voice was no longer loud, and it didn’t have to be. His mouth was right by her ear, she could hear him clearly even if he whispered. He wanted to move her hair away from her neck. He wanted to run kisses across her shoulder. At the same time, he just wanted to strangle the bitch. Not in a literal sense, naturally, but she just pissed him off so much. 

Noah felt like Allison was family, and one of the only reasons he felt so comfortable right now telling her to bugger off was the fact that he knew that Allison would be around, for another year at least. He would still be able to speak to her whenever he felt like it. He could still catch her eye in the corridor. He didn’t actually have the full appreciation of losing her.

Noah felt her breath against his face and he almost gave into temptation. It would be so easy. Allison always gave him what he wanted, what he craved, but at a certain point the predictability became tiring. Although he found Allison exciting still, he knew he shouldn’t be with her, at least for quite some time. He needed her to become new for him again, and perhaps they would both change enough so that they could work together without trying to bite each other’s heads off.

But for now, he had Eileen. And Eileen was more than what he needed. With that thought, he stepped away from Allison. “I’m going to bed,” he muttered, no longer in the spirit to argue with her or to keep the rampage. He didn’t promise to hate her, he didn’t promise to make her life Hell, he just left.