Say Something You're Giving Up On Me(Atlanta)

She had been unbearable for the past week. Atlanta Vaisey seemed to have passed into a state of complete and utter relapse. The Hufflepuff common room had grown weary of the tyrant that seemed to have returned - she was intoxicated every night, throwing things in the room, laughing too loudly, avoiding her school work and terrorizing the younger students with rumors about the OWLS and NEWTS.

It wasn’t until her roommate had found her, passed out face down on the bed with all of her hair chopped off that she had momentarily snapped out of it.

“He wanted me to give you a message.”

“I don’t know who ‘he’ is, but you can tell him to shove it up his ass-”

“Mikael, Atlanta.”

His name stung her brain, pulling her from the familiar numbness that she had allowed herself to slip back into, “Mikael.” The name burned her lips as she rolled over and looked up at her roommate who had her arms folded over her chest.

“Yeah, Mikael. Remember? The guy that you’re supposed to be dating? I recall a few days ago you wouldn’t stop talking about how mind-blowing the s-”

“What did he say?”

“Meet him at the lake for your free periods.”

Her roommate raised her eyebrows at Lanta and the brunette quickly dressed and shoved some combat boots on her feet, stoping out of the common room, her eyes never betraying the fact that she felt as if she was dying inside.

Of course he knew that she had a free day today - it was normally when they would spend hours talking, lying in the grass, enjoying the surprisingly warm weather of March. But today it felt so different. Today the sun that normally felt warm and inviting to Atlanta felt like an oppressive heat that beat down on her as she took every step toward the lake. The normally gentle breeze felt as if it was ripping through her chest and tearing everything in its path, completely destroying her chest cavity in the process. Atlanta’s fingertips somehow found their way to her heart, placing her hand over her chest and listening to the beating of the blood within to remind herself that she was still alive. Her feet were leading the way - her mind a million miles away in another world where this wasn’t happening to her.

Her eyes scanned the horizon until she saw him, lying on the ground and throwing the tennis ball up and into the air. Over and over again. The same steady motion of his hands. Atlanta immediately felt her eyes sting. She didn’t want to do this - no, she couldn’t do this. She thought about turning around right then and there and running back to the common room where no one would bother her. But her damn feet, they kept leading the black parade down to the edge of the lake where he sat.

Mikael Erixon. She was still in love with him. Merlin, she was still so in love. But she knew better than to let her feelings cloud her judgement - if she didn’t do this, she risked losing him entirely. Atlanta wasn’t sure that she could live with his blood on her hands. She kept her eyes off of him after that, “Was there something you needed?” Her voice seemed dull, uninterested, perfect. There wasn’t much she could do but pretending that none of this meant anything. She could feel the remnants of alcohol from last night’s escapades sloshing around in her stomach, making her feel sickly as she stood there, looking out over the lake, refusing to look at him again.

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tag; MIKAEL ERIXON

notes; here we gooooo.

Princess. The word stuck out to Atlanta, making her stomach slosh to the side again as she whipped her head around to stare at him. He had no idea - the Hufflepuff ‘Princess’ was a mess. She had spent days lying awake in bed dreading this very moment because this was the moment when she had to not only break her heart, but Mikael’s heart at all. If this was what it was like being royalty, then Atlanta would rather be a lowly peasant picking up shit on the side of the road. Her wide eyes watched as he tossed the ball into the air again, wishing that she could intercept it and tell him what was going on - but she wouldn’t be able to. She would never be able to tell him the reality of the situation. It would forever remain a mystery: happy one day, closing the chapter the next.

When he sat up and looked at her, she could see the thoughts crossing his face. How bad did she look? She knew the haircut was a muck-up, but surely she didn’t look bad enough for him to openly gape at her. Immediately she turned away, pressing her fingertips into the dark circles under her eyes and then reaching through her hair to comb some of the short locks away from her face. He hadn’t moved toward her and she was secretly glad because she could feel the familiar sting in the corners of her eyes. If she was going to do this, she was going to need to remain impassable. No emotions.

“Wow I could barely recognize you, but you are still breathtaking. Y’know that?”

Clearing her thoughts almost completely, Atlanta turned toward him, keeping her face stone cold as she stared at him. He was trying to be sweet - staying away from her and smiling at her all at the same time. It was as if he knew that he needed to give space to the raging animal that seemed to have taken over her body. But she couldn’t let him win. There was no way that she could let him in, “It’s just hair.” She muttered, her voice with more of an edge than she had anticipated, “You should probably stop trying to flatter me, Erixon. It’s coming off as desperate.” Merlin. Atlanta felt the hurt in her own body and she tried not to think about it, “In fact, this whole thing is coming off as pretty desperate. Don’t you think if I wanted to see you I would’ve? Having Mary deliver the message to me to get me out here? Wow. Could you be any more pathetic?” She visibly rolled her eyes and then went back to looking out over the lake, trying to remain calm. But her insides were screaming out - her heart was pounding in her chest, threatening to betray her real feelings. She loved him - this was the last thing that she wanted to do. But she needed to save him.

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tag; MIKAEL ERIXON

notes; nope. nope. nope.

Atlanta didn’t take her eyes off of the horizon - in fact, she made a point to keep them steadily trained on the way the banks of the water sloshed back and forth. Her stomach gave a churn and for a moment she wondered if she was going to be sick. Maybe she could blame it on seasickness and not the fact that she was destroying one of the only good things that happened to her over the past year, “Sorry? That’s all you’ve got?” She forced her lips into a visible snarl as she turned to look at him again. Those brown eyes - the ones that had brought her so much comfort were now clouded over with pain. She wanted to reach out for him, tell him that she was so sorry for what she was doing, but she knew that she couldn’t. There were too many factors at play here and she was too focused on saving his life. He would never understand. He would probably hate her for the rest of his life - but at least he would have a life.

“You’ve been smothering me, Erixon!” She threw her hands into the air, playing with the dramatics of the situation. She could make him hate her - she could pretending that she didn’t care - but when it all came down to it, this was the most fake thing she had ever done, “You’re ridiculously childish about this whole thing. Don’t you see?” She reached up and ran a hand through her short hair, ruffling it slightly with exasperation, “This-” She gestured between the pair of them even though they were more than a few feet apart, “Doesn’t mean anything! You took it way to seriously.”

Her chest stung with the pain of heart ache as she turned away from him again, staring at the distant waters. One. Two. Three. She counted the number of waves that hit the edge of the lake before Mikael spoke again, blaming her outburst on her time of the month, “Are you fu.cking kidding me?!” She screamed and slammed her fists into the sides of her thighs as she turned around and marched directly toward him, “You must think you’re such a smart ass, don’t you.” She took her index finger and stabbed it into the middle of his chest, “But you’re nothing but a freak, Erixon. A freak who better learn to hold his tongue when talking to people of higher blood status.” There it was. The Atlanta that she had been afraid to show him. The brunette who had once ruled her house as Supreme Queen of Hufflepuff. The pureblood with an attitude. There was no taking it back now, she had already come too far. She felt her insides screaming at her to take it back, but she knew that she had to do it. The only way to convince him was to play as if she didn't care - as if he could die tomorrow and she would be happy.

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tag; MIKAEL ERIXON

notes; :[

The scream that echoed across the lake made Atlanta jump and for a moment - with her eyes wide and terrified at the beast that she had just awoken - she looked like her old self. But she knew that it couldn’t stay, the old Atlanta needed to be far from this place; she couldn’t compromise this time. She couldn’t let him know that this was just some sick way of keeping him alive. It had to be emotionless - a clean break, like the snapping of a neck. She cleared her head, listening to the way his scream seemed to move through her skull like a bullet until he turned away. A split second of relief until he turned back and began laughing. Maniacal - dangerous laughter. She clenched her fists, willing herself to stay detached.

He was yelling about their apparent perfection - the way they looked down on anyone and everyone that wasn’t just as perfect as they were. But that was the route that she had chosen. It was the only excuse that she could give him. The only reason that they couldn’t actually be together was the fact that he wasn’t a pureblood. For but a moment, Atlanta wondered if things would be different if he was pure. Would Zeke still have had to save her in the woods? Would she still have been a liability? Would she even have still gone after Mikael? She was starting to think like them and it was scaring her.

Mikael was close now - she could feel his breathing hot and strained on her face. She kept her face immovable, staring blankly at him as if he was a wall. This means nothing. We mean nothing. He threw it back at her and she wanted to wince. That was the furthest thing from the truth - they were supposed to have it all. She had imagined it all.

“It’s not my parents, it not my friends, or my siblings. Leave all of them out of this, you coward-” She knew this next part was going to sting, so Atlanta mentally prepared herself, “It’s you.” She narrowed her eyes, trying her hardest to keep up with the facade. It was growing harder and harder the angrier he became. She was hurting him and she knew it. Suddenly she wished that she had brought the flask out to the lake - maybe she could mask more of her pain as sheer alcoholism...that had always worked before. In her glory days, she wasn’t sure there was a day when she was entirely sober, and it had worked out for her just fine, “It’s you, Erixon. You’re an idiot to think this could have ever actually been something. The Vaisey line is pure. I don’t need to pollute it with scum like you. Hell, I don’t even need to pollute my life with you. You can’t even get your act together. You’re a ticking time bomb. A fu.ck up. A half-blooded, mediocre quidditch playing, loser.” She didn’t shy away from him, didn’t attempt to move the one inch that they were now apart from one another. Atlanta just stood there, dead eyes boring into his pain-staking, agonized ones. I am saving his life.

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tag; MIKAEL ERIXON

notes; sorry this took so long - and is so painful....and i hate this...

Mikael turned around so that he was facing away from her and she lost it ever so slightly, running her hands through her hair and brushing away a stray tear that had managed to break free from her eyes. Fu.ck. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t hurt him like this...he was the only one who understood her and everything that had been going on. But she also couldn’t stand by and watch the man that she loved die because of her. A split second before he turned, she tried to regain her composure by looking off at the horizon.

He demanded that she look him in the eyes and the brunette knew that she owed him at least that. With a painstakingly slow movement of her chin, she locked her nearly dead eyes on his, waiting for the blow that would come next. Sell it. Sell it. Sell it. This was a show and Atlanta Vaisey was the star performer. She didn’t have a choice. His words cut through her like daggers straight to her heart and she remained unabashedly unflinching. No emotions leaked through her marble exterior. For years she had played the emotionless princess and now it felt like agony. What had changed...? Mikael. She had sparked the change herself, but he had cemented it. He challenged her in was she hadn’t even dreamed of until that day.

Then he told her to do what she had feared. Tell him that she had never loved him. That she still didn’t love him. Jesus. She could feel her heartbeat pounding against her ribcage...if he had been anywhere near her, he would have felt it and it would have given her away as a liar. But from a safe distance, she knew that it would be impossible for him to tell. His eyes seemed stained with tears already and Atlanta wondered how many more would fall at her hand. How much was she going to hurt him before she gave this up? “Well you obviously don’t know me very well, Erixon.” Her eyes clouded over again with darkness.

She wanted to reach out and touch his face, his hand - to tell him that this was all a sick nightmare. Tell him that things didn’t have to be this way, that they could run away and he would be safe. Tell him everything: Zeke, The Dark Lord, her parents, Des, Orphy... She inhaled ever so slightly, trying to calm her raging nerves, but it was no use, “I. Don’t. Love. You.” Her words were short and clipped - dangerous and serious - and they hurt her more than anything in the world. They felt like poison on her lips, killing her at an antagonizingly slow pace, “I could never love a piece of halfblood-sh.it like you.” Atlanta knew she was going to throw up if this didn’t end soon. What more could he want from her? What more could he possibly need?

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tag; MIKAEL ERIXON

notes; --