Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2014 18:19:03 GMT -8
“ when i let go of what i am, I BECOME WHAT I MIGHT BE. ”
| Lao Tzu
| Lao Tzu
Silence, but not stillness, filled his soul. Rather than enlightenment, it was the quiet of oppression – that which corrodes the heart and corrupts the mind to thoughts of darkness and death. The feeling clawed at him, tearing him from within, as it sought to latch itself implacably upon his being. Day by day, the talons dug deeper. In its incessant need of him, despair was shredding him apart, and all hope fled from the savage onslaught. It was vicious anguish and the most selfish of pain. The masochist inside wallowed in the beautiful misery. Severus had no one but himself to blame for his torment. To revel in the agony was fitting. He fed his monster on self-destructive aims; he committed himself to causes sure to breed the loathing in his chest. The hole would be black, and nothing would escape it.
He had chosen the path of evil. Decision made, it became easier to bear the weight of his affliction. He would follow the tunnel into a starless night, and relinquish all memory of light. Severus would eat his dead heart. There could be no other way. He had gone too far, lost too much, ripped himself too open to turn back now. Darkness was his lord, so to darkness he would succumb. His newfound place among the damned was a bittersweet breath into his weary lungs. Snape could feel life stir within him at the thought. Through catharsis of his torture, he would find relief. In giving pain, his own would be forgotten. The creeping shadow of war promised nothing less. He must only bide his time for the storm to break, when he might loose his fury.
As he waited for that red dawn, he distracted himself in mundane pursuits. The mind, if unemployed, went too quickly to ponder his losses. He dared not let himself remember the sting of rejection, nor the sweetness of the stolen kiss which had prompted it. To dwell upon such things was to die. Severus wished to live. On this day, rather than attending his Potions class, he had absconded to a seldom-used corner of the courtyard. The location was an ironic choice. He had set up his cauldron here for its privacy, but it was a place where he and Lily had often met. He had no sooner set foot in the spot, than a thousand memories of her swam before his eyes. With a great exercise of will, he had commanded his mind to the present.
His cauldron was bubbling, and as he began to work on his experiment, it became easier to forget. His mind grew calm as it narrowed to the task at hand. So blind was he to all else, that even the sound of approaching footsteps did not register in his ear. Had he heard, had he known to whom those sounds belonged, he would have done his best to get away. Broken, wretched thing that he was, Severus was in no state to face her... perhaps not ever again. But it was too late, and he was trapped like vermin before her.
He had chosen the path of evil. Decision made, it became easier to bear the weight of his affliction. He would follow the tunnel into a starless night, and relinquish all memory of light. Severus would eat his dead heart. There could be no other way. He had gone too far, lost too much, ripped himself too open to turn back now. Darkness was his lord, so to darkness he would succumb. His newfound place among the damned was a bittersweet breath into his weary lungs. Snape could feel life stir within him at the thought. Through catharsis of his torture, he would find relief. In giving pain, his own would be forgotten. The creeping shadow of war promised nothing less. He must only bide his time for the storm to break, when he might loose his fury.
As he waited for that red dawn, he distracted himself in mundane pursuits. The mind, if unemployed, went too quickly to ponder his losses. He dared not let himself remember the sting of rejection, nor the sweetness of the stolen kiss which had prompted it. To dwell upon such things was to die. Severus wished to live. On this day, rather than attending his Potions class, he had absconded to a seldom-used corner of the courtyard. The location was an ironic choice. He had set up his cauldron here for its privacy, but it was a place where he and Lily had often met. He had no sooner set foot in the spot, than a thousand memories of her swam before his eyes. With a great exercise of will, he had commanded his mind to the present.
His cauldron was bubbling, and as he began to work on his experiment, it became easier to forget. His mind grew calm as it narrowed to the task at hand. So blind was he to all else, that even the sound of approaching footsteps did not register in his ear. Had he heard, had he known to whom those sounds belonged, he would have done his best to get away. Broken, wretched thing that he was, Severus was in no state to face her... perhaps not ever again. But it was too late, and he was trapped like vermin before her.
TAG @lily
NOTES dont worry, i won't write the whole thing this floridly lol.
